Fattie

My number just keeps growing and growing. I don't know what to do about it anymore! I am always hungry... I can't NOT eat. In a few weeks, I wont have my gym membership anymore!!! What am I going to do? I suppose I could run at the beach, but eventually, I'm going to be so swamped with a job, class, homework... Ugh... I'm gonna be 175 pounds before you know it. I know I'm supposed to "Trust my body... It will manage the weight and function the way it was made to... blah, blah, blah." Thats crap. People who eat 3 meals a day, with snacks, and the occasional ice cream/cookie/or other sweet.... Become HEFFERS. I don't want to be fat. I don't want to starve myself. I don't want to overeat. I don't want to purge. I don't want to be sick. I WANT to be healthy, skinny, proud of my body, 110 pounds, and happy. I JUST WANT TO BE A NORMAL F-ING TEENAGER!!!!! I want to eat whatever I want... However much, or however little, with a super fast metabolism. I don't want to worry about what I'm putting into my body. I'm too young to be worrying about adding on the pounds!! And yet, I look at my number, and its just not right. WTF is wrong with my body, that it can't function healthfully? I've gained 12 pounds this month.... Do you know how embarrassing that is?! The last time I weighed this much, I was in junior high. Thats when my eating disorder began. I resembled the Blueberry-girl, (when she blew up) from Wille Wonka! I'm not about to get any bigger. thats for sure. I have to do something different... This isn't working for me!