Relationships

Misty Edwards-- Light of Your Face

I depend so much on other people.. I am SO needy, and selfish of their time and attention....... I'll accept anything, in place for affection.

I know it sounds so cliché, but truly, my heart feels broken. What I want is to be loved, without reservation. I want to be held more than anything. I feel as though I am the reason my relationships keep going.... I have to keep them alive. If I don't write, or text, or call.... nobody will.
I have to be a constant reminder that I am here! ... Don't forget about Sarah! ... Otherwise, everyone will go on with their lives, and wont give another thought to me.

I feel this way about my relationships, especially with Kezia and Heather, all the time. I don't know why it has been harder now, than normal... Although, this week, has been terrible. Maybe it has something to do with being stuck in the house everyday, with a man I despise. Or perhaps, constantly walking past the empty guest room, with Erics furniture? Whatever it is.... I took it out on two people that I care about very much.

sigh.

I need to start working on focusing my attention on the Lord. ..Finding everything that I look for in Kezia and Heather, in Him.
It has nothing to do with Kezia. and nothing to do with Heather. But, EVERYTHING to do with my quick attachment to successful, older, brilliant, people... I crave what they have. I want it so badly, I want their happiness, their seemingly perfect lives.... (Even the way they mess up is perfect!)... I hope for it to rub off onto me. But, as of yet, throughout my life, that has not happened.
I have had teachers, pastors, doctors, therapists........ All of these people have been role models to me. But, I am still searching. So, OBVIOUSLY, Sarah...... Something is not right. I need to focus on the Lord, and gain my strength from Him.