Yesterday, I said goodbye to my ponytail. The hairdresser asked me one last time, 'are you sure you want to do this?' And I replied, I know what I'm doing. She grabbed my pony, and a pair of sharps. ...And there was my ponytail, laying on the floor!
In the past 24 hours, I have been asked about half a dozen times why I would cut my hair off. I've only answered two people honestly. Those two people are me, and my therapist. To be fair to myself, Kristen, my therapist, thought it was a cute haircut. She didn't start asking questions or anything... In fact, I'm the one that told her we should talk about it. But, in the end, I was honest with her. I always am.
So, I guess by now, you're wondering what the truth is. Well here it goes, as painful as it is.. When I was a baby, I was born a woman. and I'm okay with that. And somewhere along the way, whether it was by nature or nurture, I grew up to also appreciate and yearn for women. and I'm okay with that. Now that I'm becoming more comfortable in my sexuality, I am exploring masculinity vs. femininity, and gender roles. Either way, I am a woman who loves women... I'm just exploring different sides of myself, and seeing which one I feel most comfortable living as, and being represented by.
I trust, without a doubt, that the people who mean the most are going to still have my back, whether I'm in a dress with long hair, and heels, or rocking my favorite sneakers with my current haircut.
And if not? Then thats the time that I REALLY need to grow some balls, because I'm not changing for anybody but myself.
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