When is standing up for myself worth it...

Wednesday was Danielle's 18th birthday... Last night, a group of us from TBV went to Hollywood to have dinner and celebrate. Early on, when we were planning to get together, I was so excited and couldn't wait to hang out with Danielle! (We don't see eachother very often anymore, and rarely talk..)

Originally, everyone was supposed to go to Tigerheat... a gay club in Hollywood. I was against the idea, from the beginning. But its Danielle's birthday. What was I supposed to say? 'I'm not going'...??? That would NOT blow over well.

1. It would not be fair to Danielle, on her birthday.

2. I didn't want to answer a bunch of questions..... Why aren't I going? I can't tell them its because I'm not comfortable with the idea of everyone being so close, and people rubbing against eachother, and the other obvious reasons.... Thats WHY they're going! I'm 18. I'm supposed to find this kind of thing fun...

Last weekend, Faith and I were driving around when she brought up the club. I sat in the drivers seat... Gripped the steering wheel.. Held my breathe... And told her Im not going.

Inevitably, I got the reaction I was expecting. "But... It's Danielle's BIRTHDAY!," she shouted, which followed with the questions...

I refused to share more than I was comfortable with. I convinced myself that just because she's asking, doesn't mean I HAVE to share. ...I simply told her Im not comfortable going, and that I'll take Danielle out for her birthday another night. Just me and her... The questions continued, but I left it at that.

Thankfully, Faith and Danielle changed the plans, so I would come too! We planned to have dinner in Hollywood instead. Yay, I was going, and wouldn't be missing out on the fun! ...Or so I thought.

Throughout the night, Tigerheat took over the conversation. "When THIS song plays at Tigerheat, yada-yada-yada..." &"When can we all go to Tigerheat?!" ..."Is Sarah Naran 18?! We have to go to Tigerheat with her!!" Tigerheat this, Tigerheat that...

Dude. I've never been a bigger fun-sucker. I wanted to scream, WHY DIDN'T YOU JUST GOOOOO??! THAT'S WHERE YOU REALLY WANT TO BE, RIGHT NOW!!

The entire night, I felt disconnected and aloof. As much as I love everyone there, I wasn't supposed to be there last night. Its clear, Danielle was supposed to kick start being 18, by dancing it up at Tigerheat...

So, sorry for being such a drag on your birthday, Danielle. I should have kept my mouth shut.