12 Step Program

At The Bella Speranza, I worked the first three steps. It took me all of the five weeks to complete them. Beginning the program, and attending AA three times a week, I didn't believe the 12 steps were for me. I've been asked to do them in the past, and at the time, I pushed them to the side. This time around, I put up a fight. I didn't want to do work geared towards drug and alcoholic abuse. I wanted to work on my bulimia!
After sitting down and being forced to attempt it, I BS-ed the entire first step. At this point, I was frustrated, and I didn't want to do StepWork, and I was complaining, and..... yada, yada, yada. I was in a bad mood.
By the time I was ready for the second step, a few days had gone by, and I was dreading Sunday afternoon at One o' clock. That's the time Nola led Addictions group, and we were doing StepWork again. We sat around the dining room table, and everyone got out their binders, with their addictions paperwork from the previous week. Nola knew this was my least favorite group, and that its hard for my to put in the effort and pay attention. That's when she told me something very important that made clear sense to me! She said, "When you do StepWork, or you go to an AA meeting, sometimes the material isn't relavent to your situation. All you have to do, is substitute addictions. For example, substitue Alcohol for food. And, when you listen to their stories at a speaker meeting, listen to how they felt. Listen for commonalities in symptoms, such as: poor hygiene, stealing, depression, suicidal, insomnia, lying, etc., etc." She said, "Chances are, you will be able to relate! When you take the drug out of the addiction, all you're left with is pain. Its universal. I don't expect you to work out alcoholism in these steps, because you're not an alcoholic! Plug in your addiction and work each step while we are here to help you."
After having that talk with Nola, I redid my first step. I even finished my second and third step! This Christmas, I asked for a Barnes and Noble gift Card. I ordered the two books The Bella Speranza used during Addictions group. As I write this post, I am sitting waiting for my books to arrive. I've decided to start from the first step again, seeing as how its been nearly three months since the last time I did it.
I am so thankful to have had Nola's advice, and to see everything in a new light.